Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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