he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
