A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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