I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
