Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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