i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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