Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
