If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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