I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
