I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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