Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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