I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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