I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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