And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
