he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
