Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
