There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
