I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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