Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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