I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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