gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
