I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
