Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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