I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
