best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
