hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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