I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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