She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
