she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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