U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
