drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
