Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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