I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My penis needs a shock collar
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
