Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
