It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
