for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
