Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
