i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
