Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
