I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
