I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
