I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
