I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
