i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
