Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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