Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
