so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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