Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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