I'm really into asian looking animals
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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