so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
