Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
