First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
