Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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