my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
