My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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