Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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