do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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