My Higher Power is John Stamos
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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